SCANDAL AT FAMOUS HAT'S STAG DO!
taken from FakeNews.com
"Famous hat rocker Peanut's Hat was left shocked and embarrassed at his stag do last night. The hat, of Kaiser Chiefs fame, is due to marry The Borrell's hat next week, but on a night out in TopMan, Peanut's Hat, along with guests Carl Barat's numerous scarves, Jarvis Cocker's Sunglasses and Billy Elliot's tutu, were shocked to discover their stripper was none other than The Hat's heartbroken ex, Brandon's Jacket. After the initial shock, Peanut's Hat and Brandon's Jacket had a heart to heart, in which Peanut's Hat is rumoured to have said 'I'm so sorry to have hurt you. I cared for you, but I love The Borrell's Hat, and I just wish you could be happy for us.' Brandon's Jacket has now finally agreed to attend next week's ceremony at The British Church Of Morrissey with new boyfriend, Graham Coxon's Emo Glasses."
Jarvis' sunglasses and Carl's Scarves tied the knot [no, not in Peanut's two ties] in a quiet ceremony last week at The British Church Of Morrissey. Guests in attendance were notorious rock couple Pete and Carl's guard jackets, Billy Elliot's tutu, Peanut's Hat, The Borrell's Hat, Green Day's various red ties, Charlotte of The Subways' Miniskirt, Franz Ferdinand's Slackened Ties and Various NME's. Performing the ceremony was the legendary Jack White's moustache, with Rhys Ifans' Hat and Cane as Best Man and Maid Of Honour respectively. Peanut's hat was due to be Best Man, but was too busy planning his own wedding.
Congratulations to the happy couple.